Human-Interest Story - Windows to the Soul

While studying abroad in Paris during my gap year, I was met with the fun challenge of overcoming a language barrier with the family that agreed to host me. Our conversations were a unique combination of Google translate and popular culture references (when I mentioned that I was originally from Seattle, my host mother immediately asked me if I watched Grey’s Anatomy religiously). Somehow, despite all of the challenging conversations held in French and English, we bonded on a level unmatched by any of the strangers I came into contact with while in the City of Lights. We had several good conversations about everything from political systems to differentiating cultural practices. When I returned to the United States after two months, I brought the knowledge and experiences I had gained from every one of the conversations. What was it about them that made them stand apart from others? Why were they so memorable?

Dr. Erin Stackle, a professor of Philosophy at LMU, discussed the concept of meaningful conversations with me on a sunny Friday afternoon. “I think the conversations where you end up feeling satisfied or inspired with interest after the conversation are the ones you take note of,” she said thoughtfully. It was true too, most of my memories of my time in Paris come from the conversations held between my host mother and me. Memorable conversations such as these form undeniable connections between people, whether held between lifelong friends or strangers on a bus. “We want that connection! We’re starving for it,” Dr. Stackle exclaimed. “I don’t think it’s a thing that will go away because it’s fundamental to being a human being.” This threatens arguably the most effective form of communication between people: social media. Is it possible that social media has made it harder for us to socialize? On the other hand, it could be argued that social media is such a powerful tool that it has changed the way we communicate for good.

Engaging in meaningful conversations has become even more critical, with a world of possibilities available at our fingertips. “By eliminating eye contact, tone, and the face-to-face experience, it makes a conversation more about emotions and judgments and less about topics of common interest.” Dr. Stackle stated. “The typical cues we use to build a common conversational space that allows us to understand each other is lacking. Of course, people who use the new media are trying to develop new cues, but we have not made that much progress yet.” Social media has played a significant role in the lives of generation-z and millennials because we’ve been expected to engage with it at some point. The way we practice face-to-face conversations (meaningful or not) has undergone a similar transformation over time. Connections can be formed between online and in-person conversations, as one majorly affects the other.

Though still crucial to maintaining human connections, meaningful conversations have become nearly mythical. This leaves us with conversations and relationships that are generally less genuine. On this topic, Dr. Stackle concluded that “we get this taste of it through a post or a comment and because it isn’t sufficiently satisfying, we keep coming back for more. Always depending on social media might be an indication that people are craving something more satisfying, like talking to a person face-to-face.” To constantly continue making connections with people, we must remain aware of how we communicate. Without the face-to-face interactions that past generations were expected to maintain, it has become more challenging to work on our conversational skills. “If you first establish the trust and then specify the limits of what you want to talk about and explain why you want to talk about it, you can diffuse a lot of the tension,” Dr. Stackle explained to me. Gaining the right skill sets to engage in conversations will always be important when having beneficial interactions with others.

There are many ways to maintain significant relationships and connections to the people around us. Making an effort to work on how we communicate with them (finding common ground, avoiding small talk, being open to different views) can all lead to meaningful and influential conversations. Every word invokes an emotion, thus holding undeniable power over us. A string of words used one after the other can truly change how we interact with each other. We should take it upon ourselves to do what we can to make sure words are used to form the human connections that play such an essential role in our lives. Remember: meaningful conversations will always provide a window to the soul.